Doug
by Ruthyroo
Summary: Brendan and Ste just before Doug came home :) A short one shot in two parts :)
1. Chapter 1

**Doug :)**

Just as we start getting closer, I go and ruin it again, same old story eh? I see ye look at me, ye watch me a lot lately; ye say it's because you're worried about me. But then why would ye worry, especially after everything that we have been through? Ye still care deep down don't ye Steven? The little text messages, popping round to see how I'm doing, constantly checking up on me, just to make sure I'm okay. Maybe it's just your way, but I feel closer to ye and it seems like ye feel closer to me too.

Either way i like it, I want ye in my life…I've always wanted ye in my life and everything I've ever done was to try and keep ye there. Ye seeing me with Eoghan was a mistake, I never wanted ye to see that, not there on the sofa, our sofa, the sofa where we properly started and then ended all in one day. I promised ye so much that day and I did mean it at the time although I broke every promise I made and I'm sorry for that Steven, I really am.

Even after that ye are still there for me, defending me to Chez, trying ye best to fix our broken relationship. Ye know how much I need her, but I desperately need ye too. I find myself Wanting to see ye and after Chez telling me what ye said, I need to thank ye and tell ye how grateful I am and how much it means to me…how much ye mean to me. I walk in the deli to find ye dancing, totally engrossed, like no one's watching, I can't help but smile at the sight of ye.

I thank ye, we talk, ye ask about Eoghan and before long I am moving closer to ye, telling ye what I've always known deep down.

"Sometimes, what you're really looking for is standing right in front of ye"

Ye look so beautiful, your eyes widen and ye stare intently into mine and looking at ye now, I forget everything else. I forget that we've been here before and that I've hurt ye so much and that I do every time ye try and reach out to me. Only this time I know I wouldn't hurt ye. I want this…you, more than anything I've ever wanted in my life.

For one minute I thought that we were going to kiss, that our mouths were going to find their way back home. I thought we were going to reconnect, just as we always do. My heart is in my throat and it is pounding loudly and beating so fast and your eyes are telling me everything I need to know. Ye feel the same, I know ye do, at least in this perfect moment ye do. Your lips look so warm and inviting, ye don't know how many times I've thought of this.

Then ye speak and at first I think I must have misheard ye but then I hear the sound of another bullet hitting my chest and I know I heard ye right. Ye walk off and leave me standing there alone and ye go to him and the arms that should be wrapped around me are wrapped around him. Ye hold him tightly, breathing him in and all I can hear ye say in my head is his name. His…not mine…his…Doug.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Doug**

**Part two**

**Ste's point of view**

**For mercurial2010 i hope you like it :)  
**

I can feel myself being drawn to you and those feelings i had for you are all coming back again. Maybe it's because I am seeing your softer side, maybe it's because of everything you have been through lately, or maybe it's just because I have never gotten over you. I can see your pain when I look at you and I can't help but worry, I mean who else have you got? You look tired, like you're about to give up on everything that you have been fighting so hard for, Chez, your kids…me.

I still get a buzz from being around you, even after all this time, even after everything we have gone through together. We've become closer again over the last few months and I know it might not be a good idea, but I like it, I like you in my life. In fact I couldn't imagine my life without you and you being some part of my day. You need me at the moment, so I will do all I can. I enjoy looking after you and making sure you're okay, it stops me from worrying as much.

Seeing you with Lynsey's brother was a shock and it left me with a bitter taste in my mouth. The image of you that way will stay with me for a bit no doubt, I was jealous there's no denying that. It reminded me of when Eileen walked in on us, i thought you would have learnt your lesson and locked the door; still it's nothing to do with me now I suppose.

Things have been bad between you and Cheryl and I hate to see it, because she brings out the best in you. I had to try and help, to get you to talk; you need each other, especially now. I thought you might need me to, that is why I will always be available for you, just in case you do. It's what you do for mate's init? I just hope it did some good talking to Cheryl, I hope she can let go of the past and forgive you, whatever it is that you have done. I know I have. It took me a while to release all the negative things you did to me, but now I have I feel so much better and I can learn to trust you again.

I was dancing like a loon in the deli when I noticed you stood watching me in the shop. You look gorgeous, but then you always did. You still make my heart flutter. You thank me but I wasn't even dancing for you, what you like hey? You talk for a bit but I can barely talk to you, nerves from the way you make me feel gets the better of me and you turn to go but I make you wait, I don't want you to go. I just wanna be around you and forget who I am.

The way you get to me is unbelievable, you get right under my skin and as you move closer to me, I think I might explode from everything that I'm feeling right now. Then you tell me what i already know.

"Sometimes, what you're really looking for is standing right in front of ye"

I know you mean me; I want to be your everything. I don't want you to be with anyone else. You are standing closer to me now, so close that I can almost taste you and I want to taste you, more than anything. Your beautiful blue eyes look at me with such love, you don't need to say it anymore as I can see it so clearly. Then I get distracted by a black cab pulling up outside and I leave you because I have to and I wrap my arms around him, even though I should be wrapping my arms around you. I can't look back at you because I know how you must be feeling, because I feel the same, disappointed and confused. There is so much unfinished business between us and I am devastated that my man is him…not you…him…Doug.

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